Jesus and My Money

2012 was a heavy year for the Turner Clan, but at the same time a beautiful year of the Lord refining and aggressively pursuing all the ways we Turners run from Jesus.  While I was at a place of weariness and despair, my dear mentor and friend gave me Ann VosKamp’s book One Thousand Gifts.   What a godsend that book was for me that day and still is today.  It helped teach me that  many of my biggest blessings have been blessings in disguise.  They come wrapped in everything but pretty packages.  They come wrapped in barbed wire, if I may; however, I am seeing that these very things are the things God is using to press the Gospel of Jesus Christ into my life all the more.   What a mess I am, but oh how deeply loved I am.   In a world that promises freedom but cannot give it, I love to  read the sweet, life giving word of God that reminds me that I am free solely because Jesus died on the cross for my sins taking my sins and giving me his PERFECT record.  I do not have to get it right….I do not have to get parenting right or marriage right or life right…it is not about getting it right….how wonderful!

 I used to think if we work hard, live within our means, save, etc. that life would turn out great.  1 + 1 always equals 2, right?  We’d be secure.  I remember hearing a sermon a couple years ago where our pastor stated that at any point all our earthly possessions could be taken away.  I literally thought in my head, “Not us…we have planned and we are secure.”  How prideful and wrong my thinking was.  Under that was a terrible lie, the lie that we are our own providers and that we control our own lives.   

 God called my husband to a new career two years ago.  We were excited.  He was embarking on his dream job.    We knew the economy was bad, but did not realize how bad it was concerning houses in some parts of the United States.  We had two homes at the time, one investment property and our current home.  We had put 20% down on both houses and fixed both up and thought surely we’d at least break even.   We moved in full faith that one or both houses would sell easily.  We were not afraid.  I think God allowed us to stay in the dark about this because if we had realized at that point how bad the situation was, we’d probably not have moved.  About 6 months later after moving, we began to realize how terrible the housing situation was where we moved from.  We realized how underwater our homes were.  I was angry and scared.  We had invested a lot financially into these homes and therefore in my mind our financial security rested in the outcome of selling these houses. 

 Over the next eight months, God began to humble me and soften my heart to trust Him through this.  I am thankful that we have a God that is with us when we doubt him, when we are angry, and when we are not walking in the Spirit.  About the same time we realized how underwater our homes were, the first “flood” occurred, causing a lot of our possessions in storage in my grandmother’s inside basement (storage room) to be ruined.  Mind you we did not have insurance on these things because they were being freely stored at a family member's home. 

 
As much as I have cried over the situation with our homes and the destruction of many of our things by flood water, God has been kneading into my heart both the impermanence of things and that He is our provider.  Even if we made a million dollars a year, it would not be we that provide, but God.

One night a couple months ago when I was struggling to trust my heavenly father in this situation, I crawled up in bed doing my duty as well as knowing I needed time with my God.  I opened the Bible to 1 Peter 1:3-9 and read through the first few verses once and then again and then for a third time outloud.  As I read the passage the third time I began to cry.  The passage reminded me that God has prepared and is preparing a PERFECT home that cannot be destroyed by floods, the economy, tropical storms, etc. and that my inheritance will NEVER spoil, fade, or perish.  Those words mean so much to me now.  I would never have dwelt on this passage prior to our recent trials.  Because of the fact that we will one day have a perfect home, we can GREATLY rejoice because even though for a little while we suffer trials of various sorts.  This passage reminds me of the permanence of heaven and the tremendously short stay we have on earth and reminds me that as long as my trials may seem, we have an eternity with Jesus and all things made new to get excited about.  As I reflected on this passage, I was reminded that I would forget these things one day.  I kept asking Him why was He allowing this and I got my why answered in the most unexpected way.  He was making my faith stronger and it will somehow bring Him glory.  It was so fresh and alive.  I did not want to leave that moment.  Call this elementary, but the penny dropped that night from my head to my heart.  I got a glimpse of His bigger picture.  Thank you, Jesus, for your scriptures.  They truly are alive and active and sharper than any double edged sword. 

In regard to our housing situation, we had many wise counselors (a lawyer, a financial advisor, a real estate mortgage broker, friends, and pastors) around us, and not one was giving us any hope with our properties.  One property was underwater 70% and the other 50%.  Short of God doing something profound, we were being told that our only options to rid ourselves of the properties were foreclosure or bankruptcy or holding on to the properties for 10-20 years.  This was the worst thing you could have told me because I saw my identity and my security in my earthly possessions.  However, as mentioned earlier, slowly, God began to birth trust in me, in us.  My identity was not in my perfect credit score or how much money I had, but solely in Him. 

 This chapter of our lives did come to a close, thankfully, and God did choose to make a way where there was no way.  So what happened? Within two days of each other, out of nowhere, when it looked like both deals were going to fall a part, both homes sold through short sales.