Many Women are Pretty, but Only Few are Beautiful

Many Women are Pretty, but Only Few are Beautiful....a phrase coined by my husband that rings in the ears of all of us in our household on a regular basis.

We love this phrase and never tire of hearing it.  We need to hear it for it is the voice of reason and truth in an upside down world.

Pretty women catch our eye.  They are physically attractive.  They are trim and fit, wear all the right clothes, and have the right hair styles and make-up.

Beautiful women may or may not be pretty, but they radiate from the inside out of true inner beauty.  They come in all forms, sizes, and personalities, but overall, one feels at rest in their presence. These women listen more than they offer advice.  They are generous of whatever talents they posses. Some may be generous with time; others make incredible meals and bring them at just the right time; others come snag you for a night out just because they know you need to get out of the house; others clean your house or take your kiddos so you can get a break while others do tasks that no one will ever see such as prayer or anonymous giving.

As a woman raising daughters and sons, I am overly aware of the lies of the culture regarding beauty and have believed them too much myself.  I spent a good majority of my years in high school so focused on outward appearance that I received the senior superlative of best dressed.  You know how I got this award? I spent hours upon hours paying attention to my outward appearance searching for the right outfits yet only wearing them a few times.  I ran tons and tons ending up with an injury knocking me out of college cross country.   My hair had to be just right- ALWAYS.   Thankfully, I wore myself out and saw the emptiness of my huge focus on outward appearance by early college. It was in early college that I began to understand the importance of inward beauty through mentorship and the circle of friends I ran with.

It was in college that I became an avid people watcher and question asker.  I love to learn and learn so much through people watching and question asking.  I have the privilege to see and talk to many older women. Many of these women are running up a steep incline to defer the aging process for they see aging as something  to avoid- something that is ugly.  Countless hours and dollars are spent attempting to dress and look like a young woman- something they are not....yet they feel this is the only choice.

While the culture screams at us that aging is terrible, the Bible reminds us that old age is a blessing from the Lord and not something we should be afraid of or feel we need to hide.  It can be a sign of wisdom and many life experiences.  Old age is a blessing way too many are robbed of due to death visiting their door way too young.

On the other-hand, I also get the rare treat to see and speak with a handful of women focusing first on their inner character over their outward appearance, and it is such a treat for it teaches me and reminds me what is really important.  I try to get time with these women as often as possible. I have even named my daughters after a few of these women.

Today, now close to 20 years out from high-school,  I continue to choose to fight the culture in how I define beauty and how I prioritize my time.  I fail more times that I succeed, but I truly do desire to grow in inner beauty by reading the Bible, praying (a wise woman said recently to me that prayer is the meat and potatoes of life...so true), and daily serving others before myself.

A question I ask myself to keep my motives in check regarding my physical appearance is: "Am I trying to dress or appear to get others to notice me or am I am trying to simply dress fashionably in a way that is modest and nice?"

Truth be told, the only head I ever want to turn is my husband's.  As women, if we are married or even if we are not, we do not need to dress in a way to turn heads, but we instead need to live our lives in a way that causes heads to turn toward Jesus.

Single women wanting to be married, you do not want to marry a man who values solely your physical appearance because it will fade with time even if you have surgery after surgery or procedure after procedure. You want a man that values who you are- your character and inner beauty way more than your outer appearance because that will only become more beautiful with time if you spend time developing it.   I remember o so well my second date with my husband.  He told me that he appreciated my modest attractive style and loved spending time with me.  I think I stood there flabbergasted eventually able to mutter a 'thank you' as I had never EVER had a man tell me that before.  If anything, I was generally complimented on my outer appearance.  Instead this man was affirming my character and not only noticed but appreciated the fact that I was trying to cover my body instead of flaunt it.  Once I got home from that date, I journaled....'I found the man I want to marry....Lord, please bring this to fruition.'  I felt at home with this man. He valued the real me.  Now, eleven years later and pregnant with number five, this man still makes me feel as if I am the most physically attractive woman in the world, yet he clearly values and appreciates my inner beauty way more.  He tells me I am more beautiful now than when he first met me.  If the world were to be the judge, my younger years would get the prize, but thankfully the world is not the judge!