Today I woke up feeling lousy yet again- tired and discouraged from life circumstances and personal struggles. My husband saw I needed a break and even though he had a ton on his plate he took the kids for a bit. When all was quiet, I realized my desperation and that desperation led me to seek my Lord and a stillness. Many a times, I run to busyness and tasks, but in the end, I am left worse off. This time I sat at the table after grabbing the two books I am reading Extravagant Grace by Barbara Dugard and Relationships: A Mess Worth Making by Tim Lane and Paul Tripp and listened to a piano hymn mix. I read some, wrote some, prayed some, and even got to talk on the phone and finish my sentences along with completely hearing the other person with no interruptions...such a gift. While my cloud still loomed even after this chunk of time, I had some much needed perspective. So often I believe the lie, if God really cared for me, He would fix such and such and make life easy. As hard as it is to hear and swallow let alone choose to believe, difficulties are the marks of God's love for his children. He wants to change us through the difficulties. Through difficulties our weaknesses and shortcomings are revealed and we come to the end of ourselves. Only in coming to the end of ourselves do we reach out for God. So today, I choose to hold on to the hope of heaven when all will be right and struggle free, but for now, I must believe that He who began a work in me is working to bring it to completion on the day of Christ Jesus. In the meantime, I get to live in the middle of the process of sanctification where I experience struggle and victory, struggle and victory remembering that character is most shaped through hardship.
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