You Unravel Me With a Melody

Words are lacking to describe the last three months.  My experience is nothing new to humanity as suffering is part of the human condition, but nonetheless, this is my story.  To the depths I descended and to the hills I then rose.  

Simultaneously, I was struck on that fateful evening of February 19th.  My dominant right hand was significantly injured needing surgery 10 days later and a heart condition was discovered in that ER only because of my hand injury.  

Anger spewed.  Despair abounded.  Tears didn't stop. Blow after blow came.  I couldn't function.  Sleep was little if any.  My appetite dissipated. My health worsened. To say I became a wreck is an understatement.  Perfectly healthy to multiple diagnoses all at once.  I was undone.  

The redone hymn "He Will Hold Me Fast" originally written roughly 100 years ago became my song through these trials. I played it often on repeat when I couldn't pray.  I found immeasurable comfort that Christ is the one who holds onto me and nothing can snatch me out of His hands. No doubt. No running. No despair. No unexplained happenings that shake me to my knees.  He's got me.  He won't let me go even when I kick and scream and try to escape.  Like a good Father, He is with me and His eyes are ever on me.  

It was through experiencing all these very raw emotions and descending to the pit that God met me. In that pit, darkness abounded and it was hard to find my way.  Yet , God was there.  He was with me.  In that dark place, deep truths were kneaded into every bone and joint of my body resulting in nuggets of wisdom.  Idols were crushed.  Faith and trust grew exponentially. Perspective was gained.    

In that pit, God saw to it that my every need and many wants were abundantly met.  Nothing was necessarily coordinated, just God moving His people and even unbelievers to act on my behalf.  In fact, God's lavish love through people was so clearly demonstrated to me that I couldn't help but see and say out loud over and over to myself, "I truly am the daughter of the king.  Look at his lavish love!" God was NOT absent.  He was EVER present fully at work making something beautiful out of all the ugly hard and things I would NEVER choose. 

God became my refuge in the night.  When wave after wave came, He picked me up.  Eventually, I noticed an inner strength developing just as the scriptures promise.  The waves kept coming at the same speed but I didn't always end up with my face in the sand.  "Not only so, but we glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  I have no control over the suffering part, how long or how much comes my way, but I can rejoice that the suffering will produce steadfastness and steadfastness will produce hope! Guaranteed.  Romans 5:3-5 tells us that clearly! Praise God! 

I recently read a quote by an unknown author: "I truly believe that every person has to go through something that absolutely destroys them so they can figure out who they really are."  Suffering has the ability to do something outlandishly beautiful in us.  For the Christians suffering is not for naught.  Our suffering has much purpose! Elisabeth Elliot says it so well:" What a joy it is to obey the Lord, who provides us with His Spirit to counsel and empower us and who ensures that everything that happens to us, even the cyclone that brings nothing but destruction, has come through the hedge of His love before it reaches us."

Though He unraveled me, my unraveling was done with a melody.  I just couldn't hear it at first.  Now that melody is loud and clear, at least for today,  and I rejoice! 

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My heart was likely attacked by a common virus that triggured part of it enlarging and then wonky electrical stuff as a result.  Currently being treated and stable.  Praise God! I will know more once images, etc. are done in a few months.  My hand is out of the splint and slowly regaining use.  Hope has always been to regain 80% of its use back when all is said and done as that is the most the doctor could hope for.