Facing a Task Unfinished

Facing a task unfinished is no easy thing.  It can not be checked off as completed.  This unfinished task beckons me when I wake and moment by moment throughout the day.  This task often interrupts my sleep, my plans, and my desires, yet it is my calling in this season.  This task exposes my shortcomings.  It teaches me my strengths.  It empties me.  It fills me.  It takes me down roads of unplanned adventures.  It brings me great joy.  It refines me and drives me to my knees. 

To raise little ones that, Lord willing, know the Father's love and on their own seek to make His name great and bless this hurting world with their unique giftings is my longing. 

Mothering well to me can easily be defined by my feelings or a standard I will never attain.  At the end of the day, did I do it well?  Well to me is unattainable.  Did I create a home of happiness?  Did I teach life skills that were honed?  Did the home stay tidy?  Did meals get cooked from scratch with many colors of the rainbow?  Were many books read?  Was creativity evoked in each budding mind?  Are my children learning the Bible?  While all these desires are good, they can easily become a chain around my neck.  When I let these standards become my measuring stick, I end short every day and my household feels like a pressure cooker.  

A few years ago, I learned another way.  I found a well worn path created by many that have gone before me.  (Excellent article here that details that point). 

After the birth of our 5th child three years ago, I came to the end of myself after the complications I experienced from that birth.  I began to realize that wisdom meant asking others whom we respected and had raised children purposely (I did not say perfectly) many questions.  What are things you did well?  What are areas you failed, and what did you learn from those failures?  How did you deal with homework?  How did you deal with screens?  How did you deal with laziness, etc?  How did you prioritize your marriage? 

I started walking in community in a new way and a weight was lifted.  God provided such sweet mentors who came unto my path as I cried out to Him for help.  Around this time I also began listening to the Seven Rivers Parenting Sermons over and over , and most recently my husband and I have spent a lot of time being trained by Connected Families - a great online grace-based parenting resource with podcasts, seminars, and coaches.  Connected families also has a book called Discipline That Connects With Your Child's Heart.  This fall I also joined Loving Moms class at our church that breaks into small groups teaching skills in mothering.    

In the recent years as I have grappled with what the desired end result of my mothering is, I have decided that mothering is primarily about raising children who are equipped to be healthy and function as adults, and for that to happen, I must abandon my independence for a season. I must empty myself so that they can thrive.  Tim Keller explains sacrifice in his book, Jesus the King, chapter 12. "When you have children, they're in a state of dependency. They have so many needs; they can't stand on their own. And they will not just grow out of their dependence automatically. The only way your children will grow beyond their dependency into self-sufficient adults is for you to essentially abandon your own independence for twenty years or so. When they are young, for example, you've got to read to them and read to them - otherwise, they won't develop intellectually. Lots of their books will be boring to you. And you have to listen to your children, and keep listening as they say all kinds of things that make for less than scintillating conversation.

And then there's dressing, bathing, feeding, and teaching them to do these things for themselves. Furthermore, children need about five affirmations for every criticism they hear from you. Unless you sacrifice much of your freedom and good bit of your time, your children will not grow up healthy and equipped to function. Unfortunately, there are plenty of parents who just won't do it. They won't disrupt their lives that much; they won't pour themselves into their children. They won't make the sacrifice. And their kids grow up physically, but they're still children emotionally - needy, vulnerable, and dependent. Think about it this way: You can make the sacrifice, or they're going to make the sacrifice. It's them or you. Either you suffer temporarily and in a redemptive way, or they're going to suffer tragically, in a wasteful and destructive way. It's at least partly up to you" (Tim Keller).  

As my body, my energies, my sanity, my resources, & my time are depleted and stretched day after day, Jesus uses this gift of mothering to force me to see all the areas I fail to love God with my whole heart and how I fail to truly love my neighbor as myself.  As I  beg the Lord for patience and forbearance and grace, he really does work it in me.  When I fail, I repent, and my home changes for the better. I really believe that there is something very powerful about seeing a person admit their faults and seek change.  

I am learning the importance of surrounding my family with others and the church- for we were created to do life with people.  As we live life in community we glean from others and new wind blows into our sails, and we in turn refresh others.  

Not only is it important to do life with others and love the church, but it is extremely important to impart a life of service to our children and that is primarily caught not taught.  Children must see us sacrificing for them and to others as we are able.  This is a favorite book - Raising World Changers in a Changing World - and provides great discussion at the dinner table about this very topic.     

Nearer my God to thee is the key to mothering.  Not my works but my rest.  The more I run to Jesus knowing that I will never do or be enough, the more my soul is at rest because Jesus is enough and he did enough and He loves my children more than I can even imagine and will help me in the daunting task of mothering.  As I embrace these principles, my task that is still quite unfinished of raising children becomes less burdensome and more joyous. 

From Shock to Peace ....Honest Pregnancy Reflections

It was a hot fall Sunday afternoon in South Georgia.  Laughter and screeches came through the walls as five littles and my husband played football in the front yard.  I was eating homemade raw cookie dough as I baked cookies for an RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) college leadership meeting later that night.  My cycle was late, but it could be explained.  For one, I recently held our 4 year old through two scary nights as she battled a nasty case of croup.  I sleep little to none.  Secondly, we had means in place to prevent a pregnancy. I chocked my late cycle to extreme fatigue and a fluke.  To put the issue completely at rest, I took a test.  Positive.  It read positive. 

Pregnancy for any woman requires submission and I am certainly no different.  In each pregnancy I have had to relinquish control and plans to God's divine providence submitting my body time and time again to all kinds of stresses and changes such as utter exhaustion, reduced capacities, morning sickness, complications, weight gain, stretch marks galore, new eating habits, back aches, and the pain of labor all for the wonderful gift of a child.  I have also had to submit to the potential of miscarriage or disability as I cannot will a healthy full term child.  In essence, pregnancy and birth pose great risks to carefully drawn out plans of life especially for a planner such as myself.   

The day we found out we were expecting our first child, we were elated and our joy was evident to all.  A confirmed pregnancy at this point in my life equated solely to pure excitement and hope.  For one, I was totally naive in believing that because I was healthy I was entitled to a healthy pregnancy.  Dreams shattered as we lost that first child and my hope was replaced with fear and anxiety regarding pregnancy and delivery. 

As pregnancy after pregnancy occurred for me, my PTSD from prior pregnancies only mounted. Each subsequent pregnancy brought some form of struggle from epidural injury requiring physical therapy to walk properly again to polyhydramanous and very sick child in the womb to bed rest after preterm labor to the itchiest rash covering my whole body called PUPPS to a severe uterine infection to painful thrombose hemorrhoids landing me on bedrest after delivery.  In each of these pregnancies, I struggled to see potential and actual complications through the lenses of the gospel.  Yet, I was reminded time and time again through watching other mothers' stories as well as my own stories unfold of His grace and goodness in the most horrific and/or challenging pregnancies and childbirths.  God is present in every moment, the hard and the beautiful.  "What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are Your mercies in disguise?" (Laura Story) 

Many times on this journey I tried to put God's sovereignty and providence over fertility in a box knowing good and well that He can work with means, against means, or without means to accomplish His purposes.  As I wrestled internally with many things, it became evident that I must do a lot of self reflection diving into the past traumas and fears surrounding pregnancy and delivery so that I could see truth and experience healing.  My healing did not come as I expected it to in a black/ white sort of way.  My healing came in all shades of grey.  I struggled the entire pregnancy just as I had in others with fear and anxiety yet I began to see past traumas through  different lenses and experience peace despite many unknowns.  As I looked back, I realized that God was actually with me in each of those hard places.  I began to see good that had come out of struggles and the new paths the struggles had led me down.  I saw that grace is given for each moment, not a moment earlier and not a moment too late.  Worry only robbed me of the present moment.  I relished in the goodness of God in the gift of my sweet children and the new one to come.  As this wrestling journey continued, I thought about a concept we talk about a lot in our home: God does not disperse His blessings equally, not in money, intelligence, energy, health, skill sets, and not in babies yet He is sovereign over it all and we must trust that He knows best in His dispersing of these things.   

Little man Turner was born 3 weeks ago.  Grace upon grace was truly in the season awaiting his birth and finally in that room where we met our son.  

Sometimes the routine things cause one to halt and ponder and follow an unexpected path

Sometimes the routine things cause one to halt and ponder and follow an unexpected path.  Such was the case for me when I took my then 3 year old to the dentist this past winter.  The dentist spoke the words 'enamel erosion' rather casually.  I, on the other hand, wanted as many answers as he could give.  I wanted to know how to prevent the problem and how to remedy the problem to avoid the crowns and fillings he spoke of.  He was very gracious, but basically told me it was similar to a 'birth defect' and nothing could be done. 


I got home and started researching.   Maybe I couldn't do anything, but I have been told way too many times that something was hopeless and in the end it was not.  I was going to put in all my efforts to help her teeth.   I found many hopeful stories.  I spent time reading http://www.mommypotamus.com/how-i-reversed-my-daughters-tooth-decay/ by mommypotamus.  I also looked at http://wellnessmama.com/3650/remineralize-teeth/ by wellnessmama.  I also messaged Mary Kury whom I have the utmost respect for.   http://www.upstatebirth.com/ is her business and she also owns Rooted Releaf, which you can check out here https://www.facebook.com/Rooted-Releaf-1206151532746373/ on her facebook page. 


After reading these sights and talking with Mary, I realized our daughter's expressive language struggles and her teeth may be connected because of an undiagnosed lip and/or tongue tie.  I had heard of babies dealing with this but at the time never a toddler.  My child nursed easily and had no feeding issues, yet she was severely delayed in her expressive language.  While she had progressed and was motivated to talk once we remedied the problem of her sucking on her fingers, she still had so much room to improve.  I immediately scheduled a consultation with a lactation specialist qualified to diagnose tongue and lip ties that Mary recommended.  Even though our daughter had finished nursing for quite some time now, this was the place to go first where I did not have to pay. This lactation specialist immediately diagnosed her with both a lip and tongue tie.  Prior to this visit, I had our daughter evaluated by her at the time speech therapist to see if she had a lip and/or tongue tie that could be causing the erosion of her enamel.  The woman barely looked in her mouth and said rather quickly that she saw no evidence of a tongue tie. 


After meeting with the lactation specialist, I was connected with a phenomenal speech therapist specializing in this very thing named Afhton who took me by the hand and led me down the path for laser surgery and rehabilitation and speech theraphy.  The laser surgery was performed by a preferred provider she recommended.  Last month our daughter had the surgery.  The dentist said our little one had a very severe lip tie as he had to do much more cutting that normal.  Daily, 6 times to be exact, I had to stretch the incision on her lip and tongue so it did not grow back beginning the night of the surgery.  Afhton, her speech therapist, allowed me to come in daily until I mastered the stretch.  I did it wrong the first couple days thinking I was doing it right, so Afhton had to stretch her mouth really well as the places started to grow back.  She modeled how to stretch correctly and then watched me.  I used a homeopathic tongue tie tincture for pain the first two days and lots of treats (fruit popsicles and vitamin C lollipops from Whole Foods). Our daughter complained a lot the first day and was basically held by her grandmother the whole day.  From the second day on, she only complained during stretches. 


Two weeks post surgery, she was told by the dentist it healed perfectly.  Thanks be to God!  I ended stretches 17 days from surgery. 


Our daughter is currently undergoing speech therapy to regain her mouth strength and learn to pronounce things as you and I do.  She understands everything and speaks freely and unhindered.  Our immediate family understands her mostly, but those outside our family have a hard time unless the context of conversation is clear.  Slowly but surely progress is being made!  When I look at her on a daily basis it can seem little progress has been made if any, but when I look back on when this journey began, so much progress has been made.  She is slowly but surely learning to pronounce sounds correctly!  She speaks in choppy multiword sentences most of the time.  There is so much hope.

So thankful for the trip to the dentist where enamel erosion was discovered that lead us down the path of discovering her lip and tongue tie and to a phenomenal speech therapist.  Not all speech therapists are created equal!  We have found the cream of the crop now!


Will this help her teeth and the erosion problem?  I hope so, but I do not know.  For the erosion problem she is on Green Pasture's Blue Butter Blend/ Cod Liver Oil, which I read will help the issue. 
Ultimately, our prayer is that God would loosen her tongue and for clear speech to flow forth and declare his praises!
Update on enamel issue:  It was first brought to my attention she had an enamel issue in Feb.  It is now mid May and she had a dentist appointment.  Today it was only noted on one tooth instead of a couple and on the one tooth it has not gotten any worse!  I take that as huge encouragement!

Undone

Today I became undone looking at the character flaws, sin bents, and weaknesses in my children.  After an incidence this morning, I went from cheerful to solemn to angry in a matter of moments.  I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I heard the voices- you must coach your child right, you must model right, you must have the right counselors- and for too many moments I believed the lies.  I thought about my own struggles and how I cannot seem to get on top of them.  I thought about how absolutely exhausted I am of saying sorry for the same thing 100x a day.  How in the world am I going to help my children with their struggles when I cannot personally get it right? 

And then.... I heard the still small voice of the Holy Spirit bring scripture to mind and remind me to stop working so hard.  Stop striving.  Just flat out stop it. 

You know why I need to stop it?   Because I don't have to get it right.  For one, Jesus did that for me.  He lived the perfect life that I am incapable of living.  He traded his perfect record for my ragged record, so that when God sees me, he sees perfection because of Jesus.  Secondly, the battle for my heart or anyone else's heart is never met through striving.  It is met through prayer.  Lastly, Jesus is the one who sanctifies- not me or anyone else.  Sanctification is a lifelong process.  Philippians 1:6 tells us that He who began a good work in us will finish it and bring it to completion. 

One of the passages that I reflected on today was Luke 10 - Jesus' rebuke to Martha.  As I reflected on that passage, I saw myself.  I get caught up in all sorts of preparations and busyness.  I want to make sure my kiddos have a clean house, clean clothes, extracurricular activities, friendships, healthy meals, a superb education, etc.  As I do, do, do, I often forget to just enjoy them.  I also forget that my biggest role is to fight for their hearts through prayer.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (I Peter 5:8).
 

She Did Not Get The Memo

Watching a child struggle to do something I do so naturally is hard. 

Our oldest children picked up language and talked naturally without me even trying to elicit words from them.  When our third child was saying only a couple words at 18 months, my mama alarm went off.   We set a time limit to see if she would progress on her own, and if not, we would seek outside help.  By age two there seemed to be little to no progress, so outside help we sought.  We talked with the pediatrician and decided to pursue speech therapy soon after her 2nd birthday if there were no improvements.  Our state has a program open for all under the age of three that is not income based that helps children be paired with specific services pertaining to his/her developmental delay.  We saw this program as God's provision for us.  Their standard is to screen a child seeking services in all areas to see if further testing is needed.  She passed all with the exception of speech.  They discovered totally normal receptive language, but extremely delayed expressive language.

Through this state program, she received private speech therapy in our home once a week as well as a meeting once a week with her early interventionist.  She has been in this program for 9 months and has gone from extremely delayed to moderately delayed and we rejoice.  We have seen such marked improvement.  Our child is forming words and combining words.  She has come far, but still has far to go.  In less than two weeks, she ages out of this program. 

Recently, I had a meeting with Childfind.  They make sure children receive help in whatever area they are lacking through the public school system.  Here, the meeting focused on my child's brokenness, not her progress and not her story.  That was the purpose- her delay.  I should have known that.  Nonetheless, this meeting was hard for many reasons. 

You see I had hoped and prayed that this chapter of her life would be short-lived and over by age 3.  God did not answer that prayer 'yes' as I hoped and asked.

Now, I am left once more with questions.  Do we go the public route where we don't pay?  Is this God's provision for her?  Do we go the private route and pay out of pocket since our insurance does not cover developmental delays?  What if she is able to get all she needs through the public route?  Are we making a mountain out of a mole hill?

I feel overwhelmed with figuring this out and quickly forget that my primary job is to pray as acting right now would be foolish as I truly can say I don't know what is best.  In my heart of hearts, I want so badly for God to provide for the private route so she can stay with her current teacher we love, but this is expensive.  I am asking God to lead us and provide what he sees best.  I am thankful I have a husband that also prays and seeks what is best and balances me out well. 

As my thoughts race this afternoon, and I am tempted to ponder every 'what if' that comes to my mind and ultimately figure this out on my own, I am drawn to Isaiah 30:15: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..."  I am also drawn to a favorite passage of mine since I first heard it in my high school days- Psalm 39.  This psalm is ultimately a complaint of an individual who has called on God to eradicate his invalid charges and destroy his enemies.  The psalmist first focuses on the character of God before uttering his plea at the end.  I related to the psalmist because he is writing at a place of distress.  To say he is struggling is an understatement.  The psalmist explores God's deep wisdom to comfort himself.  He evidences God's sovereignty over and over. 

As I personally reflect on this passage, I am drawn to the fact that God is all knowing and knows his creation intimately and completely.  My thoughts are not private- he knows them before I speak them.  Thus, even when I cannot articulate my questions and my thoughts- He knows them and gets me....what comfort that brings!  He sets limits to my actions as evidenced in verse 5.  I cannot sabotage something he has ordained.  He has laid his hand upon me and guides me.  I do not act alone! He is present throughout all creation- nowhere can I go without him also there.  Wherever I am, he will guide me.  He intimately made me in my mother's womb.  He wove me...he wove you- sit back and picture God weaving you!  This is not a passive role! And he calls his creation wonderful!  All life is wonderful despite what anyone else says.  This is truth.  He also ordained all my days and yours- nothing happens by accident.  What comfort these words are.  This is truth, my friend.  This is truth.

So for now, I will pray and ask him to bring wise counselors and lead us as a couple together.  I will not focus on the lies that scream I should have done this and that and then I would not even be in this boat.  God's got this.  I don't have to figure it out.  As for our daughter, I should take lesson from her as she did not get the memo that says 'expressive language delay'.  She is too young to understand that label.  She simply goes about life playing and trusting us (well most of the time- she has a will like an ox!) to give her what she needs since we are her parents.  I want to have that childlike faith in God as I encounter challenges knowing he will ultimately lead us and direct us as his word says. 

Habit broken

Do you have a finger or thumb sucker?  Not only does this affect the teeth and even the mouth, but it can directly impact language development as was the case for our daughter.  Would you like to break the habit for under $100?  In fact, if the habit does not break, you get your money back within 30 days of purchase! 

Our daughter is living proof this works...if it can work for her, it can work for anyone!

Words are so lacking when it comes to adequately describing our almost three year old's iron-will.  If you tell her she can't do it, she finds a way!  She's dressed herself since two completely- shoes and all.  You may even see her in a store with tiger pants and a frilly shirt; she has her own style!  She butters her bread, serves her plate most nights, feeds the dog, folds her clothes (well.... her way of folding).  From the time she was born and even before, she has been an avid finger sucker- the two in the middle.  I remember when she was a wee little 20 weeker sucking away thanks to ultrasound.  As she grew, she kept those fingers in constantly so much so that we joked that she only took them out to eat.  As she approached two, we noticed she was not progressing at all with language development and seemed to have no desire to speak.  We had her hearing tested and she tested perfect for hearing.  She had excellent receptive language skills, but she just did not want to express herself with words.  For one, she loved those fingers.  Secondly, she communicated perfectly non-verbally and her older brothers did the talking for her.  I began to research my options to help her rid herself of finger sucking as she was only saying three words at two years old.  We were really hesitant to use any chemical products on her nails as the ingredients in these deterrents are toxic.  I looked them up and was shocked! I stumbled upon the tguard fingerguard back in June 2015 and knew this was it https://tguard.com/?ap_id=turnerfamily (my affiliate link).   For one, the product is made in the USA from a soft, medical grade, BPA-free plastic and there are no toxic chemicals involved.  Secondly, rather than trying to prevent thumb or fingsucking, the t-guard allows it, but without the suction that creates the pleasure.  If you break the suction, you break habit.  This product even has a 95% success rate.  

On June 19th, I placed the guards on her hands and she wore them for 8 weeks around the clock.  Mind you, this is 2x the length of time that the normal child takes to break the habit, but this goes right along with her strong will, so we were not in the least bit shocked.  Twice she destroyed the guards with her chewing and pulling.   The company responded immediately replacing them free of cost because they stand behind their product.  After 8 weeks, I could tell the habit was broken as she was no longer touching the guards to her mouth.  I took them off and it has been 10 days now and she no longer puts her fingers in her mouth.  I do plan to put the guards on her whenever she is in nursery at church or away from us for a bit longer just to make sure she does not return to her habit. 

We are so grateful for the tguard and recommend it 100%!  We love the product and loved the support the company offered regarding questions, etc.  

A Tribute to My Good Ole Dad

Living in a fatherless home is a crisis too many are personally acquainted with.   Google ‘father statistics in America’ and you will see shocking statistics baring the importance of a loving father being in the home. 

I grew up fortunate.  I never worried if my dad would leave the home or my mom.  I never worried if he would choose work over family.  I never worried about what he thought about me- I knew he thought I hung the moon.  I saw it in his eyes.  In fact, he thought each of his children hung the moon. 

My dad taught me many things. 

He did not simply tell me to work hard; he showed me how.   He modeled a strong work ethic in his job and the things he was placed in charge of.    

He did not simply tell me to love sports, he showed me how.   He played with me.  He came to all my games.  He believed in me. 

He did not simply tell me to take the long view, he showed me how.  He lived below his means.  He gave unselfishly.   He lived each moment anticipating the future. 

He did not simply tell me to love the church, he showed me how.   Weekly we went to church as a family. 

He did not simply tell me to pursue my giftings, he modeled it.   He read, wrote, researched, and read more.  My father truly is a walking encyclopedia and a very gifted writer. 

He did not simply tell me to love nature and the outdoors, he modeled it.  We hiked.  We played outside.  We made forts.  We gardened. 

He did not simply tell me he loved me, he showed me.  He loved my mama.  He read stories to me.  He wrote personal letters to me- something I still request to this day over a hallmark card with someone else’s words on it.  He took me on long walks.  He played tennis with me.   He drove me around looking at my fetish of abandoned houses.  He ‘dated’ me and was the first to show me chivalry. 

With Father’s day coming up, I truly am thankful for my good ole Dad!

You Thought I Was Not Watching....

You thought I was not watching….

 

You are smart.  You love numbers.  The world was a calling you to make a name for yourself in your prime.  The potential you had was limitless.  You possess drive, discipline, compassion, accurateness, and tactfulness just to name a few.  Yet, your answer was no, and in the process, you accrued treasures that are eternal and stored up for you in heaven.  You said no to frivolous things.  You did not need the newest car or the nicest clothes or the newest things- all things that would require more and more money.  Specifically, you said, “I would rather live in a tent than miss out on raising my babes.”  By saying no to excess, you said yes to your children and in return your grandchildren.  

 

You thought I was not watching you fold endless loads of laundry or make meal after meal, but I was.  It modeled the provision of the father. 

 

You thought I was not watching you pull out your devotion to spend time with the one who made you and me, but I was.  It modeled devotion and dependence- both beautiful and essential for life with God. 

 

You thought I was not watching you stay faithfully married with your husband and my Dad and not run to another or throw in the towel when life gets hard as it does for us all, but I was.  It modeled staying power. 

 

You thought I was not watching you ache over my poor choices, but I was.  It modeled pursuit, love, and grace ultimately playing a part in me believing God is not mad at me and succumbing to grace. 

 

You thought I was not watching you give your time to others through volunteering, but I was.  It modeled service and sacrifice.

 

You thought I was not watching you use your money wisely acting as a good steward of all God entrusted to you by living below your means, saving wisely, &  lavishly giving, but I was.  It changed the trajectory of the family for generations to come. 

 

You thought I was not watching you sacrifice your sleep to pray or listen to a child that needed to talk, but I was. 

 

You thought I was not watching you in all those monotonous tasks for all those many years, but I was.  Thank you for each little chore, each little meal, each tear you every cried, each prayer you prayed….for they were not in vain.  I love watching God shape you and grow you.  It is beautiful.  

 

I too love Jesus and pray that in my brokenness my children will somehow see Jesus and succumb as I did to his wonderful grace. 

8 Tips to Training Your Child Early, Easily, and Actually with Pleasure...imagine that?! (Updated August 3, 2020)

Many people have asked why and how I potty train early, so I've compiled some information that I hope you will find helpful!  First and foremost, potty training doesn’t have to be drudgery for parent or child! In fact, it can be accomplished slowly over time and completed way before the age of two with just a little bit of time spent doing what you already do- engaging your child.  Come travel with me on a journey through the history of potty training and then voyage with me as a share ways I train my littles.  

History of Potty Training (Early Start Potty Training by Linda Sonna)

Did you know that as technology and our ability to communicate blossomed especially in the 20^th century, children began learning to use the potty later and later?   At the turn of the 20^th century, parents managed their baby’s waste with minimal use of diapers, which would make sense because there were neither washing machines nor disposable diapers at that particular point in time.  Thus, parents were motivated to train their babies early! It was common for parents to hold their child over a pot and make a certain sound, and overtime, the child began to eliminate upon hearing the sound and being placed on the pot.  The debate at this time around the United States was should parents start training around two months of age or give them an extra month?  In the 1940’s with the invention of the washing machine, potty training started even later around 6 months of age, which is about the time a child is able to sit up properly.  This was a direct result of being able to wash cloth diapers easily.  In 1946, Benjamin Spock wrote a book entitled “The Pocket Book of Baby and Child Care,” which became the bible of parenting at that time.  In this book, he recommended waiting to put a child on the potty until age 7-9 months of age.  Parents ran with his suggestion and once more potty training started later.  1n 1961, Proctor and Gamble began test marketing the first disposable diapers and found a pediatrician named Dr. Brazelton to promote them.  Dr. Brazelton recommended to parents that children should not be put on the potty until they are physically, emotionally, and mentally ready.  He added that if a child is older, a child would train much easier, and thus the road would be much smoother.  Many of his thoughts are still in place today.  Just google potty training and you will get the exact same ideas Dr. Brazelton advocated still in place today.  We think we are doing the “right” thing and the “normal” thing by waiting to put our children on the potty to begin learning because according to most pediatricians and “experts” a child is only ready when he shows certain signs mentioned above.  However, in reality; we are just following the original advice of someone trying to sell a product when we look back at history.  

Our Story

What if there was another way?  What if we could make potty training actually fun for the parent(s) and the child and just a part of the daily routine whether you stay home or work outside of the home? 

I stumbled across the book Early Start Potty Training by Linda Sonna when our oldest was 20 months old, and it dramatically changed how I saw potty training.  I had no idea the history of potty training nor did I have a clue how to train a child.  Before reading her book, I had planned to wait until age 3 to train him because that is what everyone else was doing.  Using Dr. Sonna’s approaches, I began right away training my child at the age of 21 months, and he was fully trained by 22 months old.  By fully trained, I mean he knew how to eliminate and could do it the majority of the time successfully.  He easily night trained not much longer after that.  I put the little potty in his room.  He would wake up and pee if needed and go back to bed.  With my second child, I began potty training at 11 months and he was fully trained by 17 months old.  He night trained right along with day training; however, I did limit his liquid intake to help out.  With our third child, I began potty training her at 9 months of age, and she was in big girl pants at 19 months old.  For a couple months, it was common for her to have occasional accidents when she did not want to stop and take time to potty.   I do not worry when this happens....just a part of the coaching phase and learning.  She truly did understand how to use the potty even though she had accidents.  She just had to learn through being uncomfortable (wet pants) that it is worth stopping and going to the potty.  She alerted me close to 100% of the time when her big girl pants were wet or soiled.  She night trained around the age of two yet I still kept her in cloth diapers at night until 2.5 like I did with my others.  With cloth diapers they feel the wet yet it does not get on the bed.  Almost always my child wet right when they woke in the morning so I recall just a couple times at most being woken due to a soiled cloth diaper.  As for night training, my children thus far have night trained by age two on their own with me limiting water, etc. at bedtime. We did a have a season that lasted a couple weeks where our second son wet the bed around the age of 3, but it went away as mysteriously as it came.  With my fourth child, I started training her right around 12 months.   She caught on the quickest of all my children and actually could go on command by 15 months  both in the bathtub on the little potty or wherever the potty was.  She could have been fully trained by 15 months, but I was in the throws of morning sickness with our 5th.  From 15-18 months, she would take her diaper off when soiled and say "gro gro".  It cracked us up.  If a potty was near, she would take her diaper off and eliminate right in the potty.  Right at 18 months, I put her in big girl pants and she was trained really with no effort at this point.  For a month, I did give everyone a chocolate chip when she eliminated in the potty for extra reinforcement, so her older siblings made sure she went in the potty frequently.  This is a great tip I remembered in the future...have the older siblings reinforce...learning goes so quick!  Children love all the clapping and attention.  At  20 months, she rarely had an accident.  When out and about, I did put a cloth diaper cover around her panties just in case.  It took a while for her to stop eliminating in her diaper during naps and nighttime.  I was not worried...she outgrow it!  Our fifth, another boy, was fully trained by 18 months and followed right in the steps of his other siblings.  I am currently training our 6th child and he is 13 months old.   

So, how does one train early?

In my experience with six children, I have found it easiest if I start young.  Training my five youngest was so much easier than training my first as an almost 2 year old, so I am going to share some ways in which I have found best to train my littles on the potty. 

8 Tips to How We Train Our Children Early

1) I wait until my child can sit well.  After training five children and in process with number 6 now, I think a year is a great time to start. 

2) I regularly take them to the potty with me or with an older sibling and tell them what the person is doing on the potty.  We talk about how pee pee and poo poo go in the potty as often as we can. 

3) I put my child on the Frog Potty 1x a day when I think they will most likely need to use the potty and spend time engaging them.  At first there is some getting used to for the child.  This is normal.  I praise them for sitting.  I have found a great time to put my child on the potty has been first thing in the morning after waking or right after drinking a lot.   I love the frog potty for many reasons.  It is easy to sit on and perfect to train boys as the lip to the potty is high and urine does not go everywhere.  Here is the link: frog potty

4) While the child is on the potty, we read books, play games, eat, whatever it takes.  For my second son, we threw the ball, read books, and ate a snack.  For my two little girls, the only way I could get them to sit still was to put the potty in the bathtub and fill it with a little bit of water while we read and played with bath toys. For my fifth, I did all of the above.  For my sixth, he loves to eat on the potty, throw the ball, read, splash.  

5) When the child eliminates, I make a big deal and clap.  As they are eliminating, I tell them what they are doing.  You are peeing.   What a big girl!  You are pooping in the potty.  What a big boy!  Overtime, they begin to get it.  "Getting it" means they understand, I sit on the potty and I eliminate and am able to do it pretty much right away.  This can take a few months depending on the frequency of potty sessions or quite some time.  For my second, he got it really quickly.  It only took him 4 months to really get it and eliminate almost right away upon being put on the potty.  With my third, it took almost 9 months for her to get it, but when she got it, she took off and I started her the youngest.  With my fourth and fifth, it took only 3 months.  Child number 6 is yet to be determined.  Children are all different.    But remember, this is 1-15 minutes a day doing what you already do- enagaging your child.  The only difference is he/she is sitting on the potty.  

6) Once I know the child understands the concept of eliminating in the potty, I move him/her to big boy/ girl pants and cloth diapers for nap time/ night time.  I figure out how often they eliminate and control his/her fluid intake so I can better estimate when to take him/ her to the potty.  The way I figure out how often a child eliminates is I let them spend some time naked outdoors if the weather is nice or where there is tile floor in the house.  I take notes.  As for timing the potty correctly, my second generally went potty every 2 hours, my third every hour, and my fourth every hour and a half.  Once I am ready to move a child from a session a day, I make sure to clear our schedule especially for the first few days to a week.   I don't want to have to go a lot of places during this time.  Even if we are out and about, I still put the child on the potty at the regular intervals.  The child wears big boy/ girl pants even when out with a cloth diaper lining around them so it does not soil the car seat, etc..  Thus, the child feels the moisture and does not like it.  I LOVE these training pants.  Here is the link: http://www.pottypatty.com They make them for small toddlers that catch moisture, but allow the child to feel moisture.  They make ones for girls and ones for boys.  They also make plastic pants if out and about to go over the training pants.  They are a little pricy, but worth it.  I really think it is important for a child to feel the moisture from soiling himself/ herself.  If a child soils himself/ herself, I want them to NOT like it.  When you don't like something you are motivated to change.  Disposables, even pull ups, actually pull moisture away and can cause potty training to take much longer. If there is an accident, I gently remind them that pee pee and poo poo go in the potty. 

7) I think for a child until he/she proves that he/ she can think for himself/herself.  This varies in time.  Thus, I continue to take them to the potty at whatever interval they need until they prove to me they can tell me when they need to go. 

8) Remember a child has been trained to eliminate in his/her diaper, so once you begin training them, throw away the diapers!  They have to learn to eliminate in the potty.  This takes time as the majority of his/her life all they have known is pee pee/ poo poo goes in a diaper. 

I really believe potty training early is possible and have experienced the results with my children!  Some people train their children even earlier then what we do.  Either way, it just takes spending a little time training once a day when you have time doing what you naturally do- engaging your child.   Just imagine being out of diapers!!???  Imagine not having to worry about a child wetting the bed late into their preschool years or severe constipation- just to name a couple of the problems now associated with late training.  I cannot recommend Early Start Potty Training by Linda Sonna enough. Here is the link to her book on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Early-Start-Potty-Training-Linda-Sonna/dp/007145800X In her book, she addresses different ages and approaches to training.  She also problems shoots with parents.  It is an excellent read worthy of every penny spent upon it. 

Child Rearing… A Mother’s Milk and Littles

One of the hard issues that I have stumbled upon being passionate about is breastfeeding.  My story, my family’s story, bad medical information that is commonly given to women or falsehoods about breastfeeding, all seem to be the threads that have led me to where I am today.  Before I share any of my story, thoughts, or experiences on the issue, I want to make it clear that I am very aware of how sensitive this topic is for moms.  I have seen very close friends try and feel so much shame because it wouldn’t come together, or friends who wanted to breastfeed who just couldn’t because of medical reasons, forced life situations, etc.  I also have friends that have no desire to breastfeed at all.  My heart in this post is not to judge or condemn, but like every other post, simply share things we have been very blessed to learn and experience in our family.  Wherever you are with this topic, I hope in some way this can be a source of encouragement and possibly something that gives some practical help in breastfeeding.   

I have always believed that mother’s milk is best, as that was what was given to me; however, my journey to give my children mother’s milk did not come easy at all for me especially the first go around.  No knowledge about breastfeeding equaled a mess for me.  My first labor was very long, 36 hours to be exact, medicated, and downright exhausting, to say the least, and nursing my newborn when he was born was the last thing on my mind.  When labor was over, I both needed and wanted a break and planned to think about nursing after a few hours of peace and quiet.  Well, truth be told, my precious newborn did not want to nurse when I wanted him to nurse and thus began our battle.  I put my first son on a rigid schedule pretty much from the start because I wanted predictability and ease primarily.  This led to a miserable baby and mother and added to my postpartum baby blues.   Apart from not knowing at all how to nurse a baby, I did not know how to teach him to sleep, so I also had a very overtired child.  Whenever I nursed, my little one thought it was a perfect time to nap, only adding to my frustration.  Nursing sessions would last almost an hour because little one nursed then slept and vice versa.  I had at most an hour break and then he was hungry again and the process started over.  I was also working part time away from home and thus pumping while away, another huge growth curve I had to learn.  Thirdly, I constantly worried about my supply, especially after the initial engorgement wore off, along with the fact that my child was not growing at the same rate of other children.  I put him through needless weight checks even though he was in fact growing and thriving following his own growth curve.  Somehow I hung in there and continued nursing due to the encouragement of my mother and the lactation lady primarily even though I swore after such and such a week, I would give up.  That week would come and go, and I would set a new goal.   Before I knew it nursing became natural, easy in fact, and that coincided with my son learning to sleep.  Our nursing sessions went from one hour to only five to ten minutes around the time that he was four months old, which should have caused me to rejoice, but instead brought fear and worry.  I now worried more than ever that he was not getting enough because the books said he should nurse for a minimum of ten minutes.  All to say, if I was not worrying about one thing, I was worrying about another! I continued to nurse him and not supplement despite my worries because even though he was small, he was thriving and growing despite his worry stricken mama.   

Hindsight is 20/20 and here a few things I have learned since baby number one and what I began putting into practice with baby number two.  Chill out!  Relax!  Enjoy!  It does get easier as there is a learning curve with both baby and mama.  Nurse a baby as soon as you can, immediately after birth.  It also helps to have an unmedicated baby, i.e. natural delivery free of drugs and epidurals.  It is very important to get as much rest as you can, which is so hard when you have other little ones, but possible.  Delegate.  Accept help when offered.  Sit on the couch.  Also, stay hydrated and well nourished.  Nurse as often as you can, especially in the first few weeks, as this gives baby what he/she needs and builds mama’s supply.  Do not worry about a schedule; it normally forms on its own.  Self-imposed schedules do not work for us.  In the same way, I do not eat at the same time every day; neither should my babies have to eat at the same time especially since breast milk is a living food and the composition changes based on the interval between feedings, how much was consumed at the last feeding, etc..  The book My Child Won’t Eat: How to Prevent and Solve the Problem by Carlos Gonzalez that is now out of print but available on Amazon was a Godsend in many ways and put feet on many of the thoughts forming in my head and the knowledge I was beginning to accumulate about breastfeeding and eating in general.  Babies and children eat a lot sometimes and sometimes don’t eat much at all and that is perfectly normal and okay.  They also have grow spurts, thus eating and growing a lot some days and weeks, and others maybe not so much.  It does not necessarily mean there is a supply issue as I had previously thought.  Breastfeeding has a lot to do with supply and demand.  Generally speaking, if a baby is allowed to nurse when hungry, the body will produce milk as it was created.  If supplementation occurs or an extremely rigid schedule is imposed, supply of breast milk goes down because the body is being told that it does not need to produce as much milk. 

 All to say, I continue to learn a lot about breastfeeding and become more passionate about it with each little one we have.   I nurse my littles till seven months roughly before introducing any food and then allow them to nurse through learning to eat. It is between 16-18 months that they normally wean. 

There is so much said about the benefits of breastfeeding, that there is no need to go there.  Kellymom.com has been a great resource for me as well as various lactation consultants and the book by Dr. Carlos Gonzalez My Child Won’t Eat: How to Prevent and Solve the Problem that I already mentioned. 

A great read: http://womanista.com/wellness/2017/02/09/why-this-photo-of-breast-milk-in-a-petri-dish-went-totally-viral/